


Needing, and remembering phone numbers

by SenTheSeventh



Category: No Thank You!!! (Visual Novel)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:17:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7377751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenTheSeventh/pseuds/SenTheSeventh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for the ending of the Maki route. Basically, the summary is the title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Needing, and remembering phone numbers

**Needing, and remembering phone numbers**

 

 

Call me if you need me.

I'm bad at remembering things. If most people are bowls, I'm a sake cup: everything overflows all the time. Remembering most of the stuff I need for my jobs is already taking most of my memory space, so I've only got the space for a few drops. Sometimes it's pretty good because I always forget the bad things first, sometimes it gets me punished, and sometimes it's

It's

Scary?

No. Yes. Yes, it's scary. I can lose good memories that I really don't want to forget, like Hiroshi's brightness and Pop's gentle hand in my hair and Ryu's fuming and my friendship with the crow and playing with Eyebrow and

and Maki. I can lose them and I won't remember losing them, I won't even miss them, since they're are outside of the cup of my memory: there's not even a void left to remind me that it should be filled. I'm full of memories all the time and they spill all the time.

I didn't use to think like this, but it was because I didn't have a lot of good memories, so it was easier to keep them. They were a few gems in the sand, Narimiya's smile and pools and beans daifuku and festival, so I could keep them close and protect them against spilling. Even a dumb guy like me can do something like that!

But now I have so much memories that I want to keep. There's so much precious moments, so many smiles! I was so happy to live them. I accepted that they're going to fade, of course, but now I'm thinking so much about the fact they're going to disappear and it's making everything weird. I hope I'm going to forget that feeling soon, but it come back often because

Call me if you need me.

I can't forget Maki-chan's phone number. I can't take back the phone Pops gave me: Grandpa might do something to any personal belongings of mine. This is interesting for him, after all. I'm coming back after an unusual amount of freedom: I'm different. He can break me in new and interesting ways. He can grill me about love.

I can't let them know about Maki-chan. But I can't forget his number. I thought about carving it on my body, but I'm also used for sexual stuff so customers might see and get curious. Plus, I'll surely get punished if I damage a good that belong to the organization.

Call me if you need me.

I get the feeling that he didn't just mean for killing but I can't understand why else he is saying that. I forgot the details, but I remember that he said weird things sometimes, things that made me uneasy. Like he was trying to say something but didn't said it outright and I can't, I don't want to understand them.

I can't forget his phone number but I know I'm going to do so. I asked Narimiya to remember it. Narimiya is an efficient and sentimental man. But he's not with me when I'm killing, so I might not be able to call Maki-chan when I need him.

I'm sure he didn't only mean to call him if I'm in danger, though. But I'm pretty sure it didn't mean “if you need me for sex”, because Maki-chan's probably not the kind to feel that sex is necessary. Argh!! Even now that I understand him better, it's incredibly difficult to get what he means sometimes! Be clearer, you lazy old man! But

I'd be sad if you died.

I know what he means by that, at least.

One day, I'm going to call him for good. Maybe when Grandpa dies, if I survive that far and if he does too. People like us tend to die young, but Pops is watching over him and it's easier to want to live now that I've got a goal.

I'll forget his number, and maybe I'll forget fucking him. It was a triumph to see him react more and more with time, but it wasn't the best sex of my life since he was so indifferent, except the last time, the most joyful one and also the saddest. But I won't forget the things I felt with him, even though they were sometimes so painful.

And definitively, I won't forget his hand in my hair.

Call me if you need me.

Aaah...

The problem is not my memory, in the end. Nor this ambiguous formulation.

It's that I feel – I know – that I understand what he meant... and that I really, really need him now.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore my favourite aspect of Maki's route: the way Maki sometimes attempts to push Haru to reflect on his ways of thinking, especially about his view of sex. Sadly, that meant an ambiguous ending and no explicit scene, since this is purely a self-reflection piece, but I hope to have the time to write more in the future! Like, for instance, a proper ending for the route, and proper romance scenes for the two...


End file.
